Thoughts Today

Well it has been a long time since I wrote of this thing last. I have never been a myspace or facebook guy so blogging is also new. Today I woke up and read all the blogs about Abigail. I feel when my life gets crazy and hard to control I turn to the Abigail blogs and realize how crazy my life is nt. I look at her pictures and read her medical folders and see that her life was crazy and somehow she overcame because that was what she knew. I think I am a strong person mentally but when I think about my baby Abigail she has me beat. I will never understand how she fought for so long and fooled all the doctors into letting her come home. I am 25 years old and look up to her for courage and strength at times. I know we are not perfect and never will be but she was. I will be deploying very soon and will need her courage and strength to keep my head on straight. I find myself throughout the day telling Abigail thanks weather it is me almost falling off my truck or just making it through another day. Jennifer is pregnant with another baby a boy this time and I will miss the birth wish sucks but I know I have my Abigail wherever I am. I will need my baby girl more than ever coming up and know we will get though things together. One of the hardest things besides leaving my family for a year will be Abigail's blanket. I will explain since the day Abigail went to heaven Jennifer and I have slept every night with our Abigail blankets as we call them. I don’t care if we are 20 something years old sleeping with a baby blanket it makes us happy. I am going to be without my Abigail blanket and that is the part that I am nervous about not the possibility of getting shot at or blown up. I know Jennifer will take care of the blanket for me and that helps a little. I am going to take one of the prayer cards from Abigail’s service with me and my grandmas rosary with my. This rosary I was given to me after my grandma passed away and it has went with me to Boot Camp and on my last year deployment. So I think I will be looked after quite well when I am gone. I know this is all scattered thoughts and that’s all this is thoughts I am having right now. I love my family with all my heart and know they will be praying for me when I am gone. We all have Abigail a baby that was perfect in Gods and my eyes to look over us. She reminded us when times are tough and life has you down look at her courage and strength to get us through. I love you all and will miss you so much. See you when I get back
Buddy

That Abigail Look

I had a doctors appointment today and got to hear my babies heart beat for the second time but this was the first time Brian was there and while we were listening to the babies heart beat I was remember how Brian's face look when he first heard Abigail, it was the same look as today but that look was his Abigail look, it was the look of a loving father and he had that look every time he was near Abigail, he really had it if I would share and let him hold her. That look will always be his Abigail look even as he hears the heart beat of his new baby I will always think that is his Abigail look. When I think about holding my baby for the first time, I go over the first time Abigail was handed to me, and how awkward I was, may it be that I was a new mommy or that she could only be held a certain way and I think if I have a "normal" baby I am going to be even awkwarder than when I held Abigail. In my mind I want everything thing to be the way it was with Abigail minus the hospitals I loved the way she was so different and had her own way about her and I don't want to learn anything new. Everything a mom learns from her first baby she is suppose to be able to carry that learning in to her second, third, and maybe fourth baby but not me. I will have to fight the want to put the baby on it's tummy to sleep, for that is not the safe way anymore, but it was Abigail's way. I will have to learn how to use a really bottle, and not the bottle that you pump your breast milk in to, for that was all Abigail would drink out of (DIVA). This baby like most babies will probably want to be swaddled but I am not going to want to because I loved how Abigail would just lay on my chest and share her blankets with me so we could snuggle EVERY time she slept. I told these some what selfish thought to my mother who has had three kids and she told you will have to learn things over but every mother learns something from each kid that she didn't already know like with Jess she didn't like a binky but me and Tyler loved ours, or that I really like men but Tyler really like woman to hold us. She told me that my thoughts are not selfish in the way that I want to do things exactly how I did them with Abigail that all mom remember and cherish everything about their first. And the thing that hit home to me was that she said Abigail my first showed me how to be a mom and taught me how to love, and appreciate what motherhood was and that was one of the most important lessons that every mom can carry on to her next child. And than I got other words of wisdom from my sister (who is not a mom but think she is my mother sometimes) saying that every year things change it might be okay for babies to lay on their tummies in April, and Abigail might whisper in to her siblings ear and say it helps mom to relax if you lay on her chest and share your blanket with her. So I will learn, over come, and adapted but I will not forget my main lessons Abigail taught me, oh how she continues to teach.

Lost but never forgotten

Oh what a scare, early last week Brian got a call from a gentleman on his flight asking me if I could go down to the hospital for a baby boy had just passed away and the mom had asked if i would come. Now there was no thinking involved I knew I was need and mine and Brian's feelings would have to wait so I went to the hospital and helped the best I could. Brian got out of his class early so he could lend a helping hand to this mom in need. But that night me and Brian sat down and our emotions from the day just came out. I had kind of a chip on my shoulder cause the whole day i had to hide my emotions but to be completely honest I wanted to just crawl in my bed and cry the whole day away. Hearing that another baby had died just brought me right back to that night my baby girl pasted, this might not be the best way to deal with it but I block that night I think of other nights were she would lie on my chest and sleep or her big pretty baby eye looking at me as i feed her, but that morning that one horrid night came back and stuck with me the whole day. It has been about a week and though I have since been able to block that night out again I am still reminded that I had a great baby girl and she was taken from me and though I trust God and his plan it is still really hard. My lat post was of my new baby news and how excited we are but for a little bit I couldn't help but be sad that I will never hold my Abigail again and I felt for all the mom's that had lost their babies. But like I said I have since put up a new block and only think of the happy times and remember that Abigail gave me a new blessing and hope in the future that other mom's will be bless by their lost ones with a new joy.

A New Blessing

Abigail has blessed us again, Brian and I found out that we are expecting once again. By no means did we plan this and in my heart I fell it went a little something like this, Abigail walked up to god and said Father my mommy and daddy need another little blessing to help fill the hole in their hearts and God said you are right I will give them another little one. Finding out that I was going to have another little baby filled my heart with so many emotions, one being sadness it made me miss Abigail a little more, but another one being hope that we will have a health baby this time and that God will find it in his heart to allow us to keep this baby with us for longer than a month. We have along ways to go I am only 13 weeks and will have to have some test done to insure that this baby is indeed health and if not that we are not caught off guard again. On top of all our joy we have got news that Brian will be deploying for nine months but he said he is not worried for he has his very own saint to look after him. In my heart I hope for another little girl so I can some what honor my first born and give her Abigail has her middle name and in hope that by having that name she has strength to do anything, but if it is a boy we will not be sad because it will be one more person who we can share Abigail's story too. I know that this baby will be loved and looked after by not only family and friends but also by their big sister who will look and love from heaven. I am so excited and can not wait, for I know that Abigail had something to do with this pregnancy and it is just another thing on my list of thing that I will have to thank her for when I see her next.

Missing You Today

I think about Abigail every single day. Usually a big smile comes to my face. Her sweet face, her cuddly body or her perfect new baby smell always make my heart smile! Today I am missing you sweet baby Abigail, Auntie loves you so much!

3%

This last week me and Brian had to make the 2 and half hour trip down to LA again, but this time we end up come back with very at eased minds. Now I told Brian I would let him write the blog and tell everyone about what the doctor said, and well I will stick to my word but I just want to touch base on how I am feeling about all of it. Even before we were to go to the doctors I already had my mind set on having more babies (not at all right now but later) I would like four even, and no matter what the doctors told me I would have my four babies. So with that said I sort of went in the doctor with a closed mind, wanted to know the answers to my questions but if I didn't like them I would pretend I didn't hear them. But I need to neither, me and Brian were both told that we had "perfect" chromosome and that if we were to have another baby it was more than likely to be a normal healthy baby, we were told that every one has a 3% chance at have a not "normal" baby and that they never can say 100% that what happened to Abigail will not happen again but it is highly unlikely. I was so relieved, now I know that my next pregnancy will be treated as a high risk just because of what happened to My Abigail, but we were also told that there was nothing we could have done to prevent it. Abigail was a miracle and her case was rare very rare and like I have said before that we were so lucky to have her in our lives if only for a short time, but I am so relieve to know that my next baby I will MOST LIKELY have for way way long (if God willing). I hope I have not left you hang to much, Brian will tell all about the doctors trip and what we found out.

Pictures of Abigail

I had to get this picture because I think this is the only time she slept in her own bed
this is one of my most favorite pictures of her, she is cute even when she yawns
her diaper is on backwards I just loved that she was so unique
Abigail taking a nap right before we got to take her home she was so excited she tired herself out

CARLO MENDO

So this story should have been told in the beginning and I am so sorry it has taken this long. Carlo Mendo lives with us, he moved in I think in March, and has been helping us ever since. It seemed Carlo was so excited for Abigail to arrive, he kept asking us what we needed, if there was something we didn't have that we really need he would get, well he got us this really nice stroll I had put on one of our list that we didn't even need but because we, meaning me, really wanted it he got it for us. And when we got Abigails little bed he wanted to help set it up, so there was Brian and Carlo in the living room not reading the directions and take what should have been 15 minute job and turning it in to an all nighter, but they had fun. Well when Abigail was born and Brian realized that he was going to need to find a way to get down to LA he called Carlo and with out hesitation Carlo left work and came to the hospital to pick Brian up to take him. So Carlo in his uniform and all drove Brian down to LA stayed with him for a while than came back to Lompoc and called me every day to see how Abigail was doing and to see if he could do anything for me. While Abigail was in the hospital Carlo came to visit and still then wanted to know if there was anything he could do. When we were finally able to bring Abigail home Carlo was so interested in what she was doing he would ask about her day what she did how much she ate. the first time Carlo held Abigail I ask him if he wanted to hold her and he seem a little scared at first as though he was going to break her, but I let him know that she was unbreakable and that as long as he just sat there I would hand him her and she would be fine. He was seem up tight for only a second and than he relaxed and what do you know he didn't break her. The night we took Abigail to the hospital Carlo came and brought us food and again let us know that if there was anything we need he would do it for us, and than our baby passed away and we need a little space and time with our family and he gave us just that and when the time was right he stepped in and was there again. I guess what I am trying to get across was Carlo helped me and Brian out a lot even with his small gestures of calling and asking about her meant a lot to us and for that we are grateful that Carlo took our baby in to his heart and loved her and cared for her. So thank you Carlo Mendo for all that you did for us.

JERRY

This is Jerry Abigail's brother and he is like her in so many ways. Brian and I decided that after Abigail left us we need something to fill the empty space that she would have filled. So Brian looked up puppies and decides on a pug since we had, had two pugs before it just seemed right. We drove to the pet store and saw him there all alone in his little cage just giving us the please take me home look, I had to wait 10 minutes to hold he cause some one else was holding another puppy. But when I finally got to hold him I didn't want to let him go, when I went to give him back to the sales lady he wrapped his paws around my hand and I knew I would have him. Yet we still held another puppy just to see if we want that one instead, but his sister cried when we walked away with him, so we put that dog back and told them Jerry was the one for us. We took Jerry to the beach and let him run around he was unsure about it at first but than he loved it, while he was running around we tried to come up with names for him and of course I wanted Elvis and Brian didn't, then my mom said what about Jerry and he looked up at her like yes great name so he was to be Jerry. Like I said a little earlier Jerry is so much like Abigail (in no way am I comparing my daughter to a dog so please do not take it that way) well they both love to snuggle and sleep on Brian, I could not sleep with Abigail on me in the bed but Brian had no problem so that is where she slept most of the time right on Brian's chest, and Jerry does the same thing he loves snuggling right on Brian's pillow with him. Also they pooped and peed when and where they wanted to, we where at the doctors office on base and Abigail was getting her diaper changed when all the sudden she decided to pee on the doctors table, and well lets just say Jerry is in the process of being trained. I think the biggest thing they have in common is water in the Brian, we just took Jerry to his first vet visit last week and the Vet told us that pugs and other little dogs get water in their brains just like Abigail but the only difference is theirs is not harmful. How funny we thought we picked something to fill the space Abigail left and ended up filling it with Jerry that reminded us so much of her.

CHROMOSOME #11

Who knew that you could write so much on just one baby who wasn't even here for a long time, but it seems that there is so much still unwritten about Abigail. We got a call last week from the genetics people trying to sum up what they found out from Abigail's genes. So you have 22 chromosomes and each has a double of it self or something like that, well it turns out Abigail's number 11 was missing some DNA and her number 22 had more than it was suppose to. For number 22 they said that she probably got that from me or Brian and we have to give blood for them to test to see, but she said that number 22 is not something to worry about it that darn number 11. With her having extra DNA in 22 you would have thought she was covered with missing some from 11 but she was missing A LOT more from 11. Yet even with them knowing that some of her DNA tore apart and some end up not coming back together and fell off (not really what happened but that is what I saw in my mind when she was describing it to me) they still don't know what cause her number 11 to have way less than it should. And they also don't even know if that stupid number 11 was the cause of her problems, so needless to say she has stumped them again. Abigail seems to be the rarest of babies they have no idea how she got the way she did, or how she survived as long as she did. But to be truthful me and Brian know that she survived as long as she did to show us the love of a child and that no matter how someone looks or their medical recorded they should be loved as the same if not even more than any one else and not just brushed under the rug. Oh and to that dumb Doctor who saw my child once and said that she had all these problems because she had down syndrome was not right at all I ask the genetics lady if that could have been the cause of her problem and she said that number 21 is what determines that and Abigail's 21 was perfect just like her.

Fathers Day

Well hello, I just wanted to write a little something for Abigail. As you know it was fathers day yesterday my first one being a father. It was one of those days where you feel like you are on cloud 9. I had to work so it kept me kinda busy but it was a Sunday and work was slow. I am not one that pays attention to important dates or holidays if i dont look at the calendar. If it wasn't for my family calling me at o dark thirty on my birthday every year i would forget that too. I think part of it is being in the military and having to work on holidays. So for me to deal with missing my family on those days i treat them just like any other. Fathers day was different this year. When we found out we were having Abigail i thought about being a father and having my own fathers day. I know i did not make it a big deal to my family but inside i was counting down the days till June 22nd. I know i am a father and always be but that did not feel the empty arms i had. I think about Abigail all the time and miss her so much. Some days are better then others and the bad days are getting less and less. Yesterday was just one of those days where i really missed her. I came home after work and opened fathers day gifts thanks mom, dad, sis, and jennifer. After that i wanted to look at some pictures of Abigail we have on the computer. As i looked through the pictures i thought about all the happy times we shared with her. Even though i did not get to hold my baby on fathers day i felt her and she made me smile. I know abigail is with our father in heaven and having a blast. I love you so much baby girl and know you are home.

Happy Father's Day Buddy

I know today is bittersweet but I saw this poem and thought of you...
What Makes a Dad

God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle's flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so,

He called it ... Dad

~~Author Unknown.~~

I am so proud of you,I am inspired by you, I love you!
love, Sis

Thank you

So Brian and I would like to thank Jennifer Uribe for making Abigail's blog. We just love it. The blog has given us closure in a way and it has been an outlet for us to put our feelings in to writing so thank you so very much. We also would like to thank our family members who have contributed so far to the blog, number one of course Caryn for writing Abigail's story with such passion and love as though she was one of your babies and not just your niece. Also thank you to my sister Jessica and Grammy & Papa (Nelda Fay and Tom), you guys told such beautiful stories that any one that reads them can tell they came from your hearts. I just know that Abigail reads them every day (she is a saint now so yes she can read) and is so thankful for your love.

A Letter To Abigail Marie

The first time we saw your beautiful face was the day you were born. As soon as your Daddy called to tell us that you were born with "complications" we were on our way to Cedars Sinai Hospital. We met your Daddy there and knew that we would not leave his side until your Mommy could get there, just as your Daddy never left your side.

Your face was angelic and your skin so creamy white. It was easy to see how beautiful you were even though you had so many tubes connected to your little body. Your Daddy was so strong for you. He kept your Mommy informed about every procedure. He tried to comfort her as best he could until she could also be by your side. Those first few days after you were born were difficult but we saw that you were a fighter. You must have gotten that trait from your Mommy and Daddy.

The day after you came home from the hospital we visited you. How much you had changed in just a couple of weeks! No more tubes! You were so much fun to hold. Giving you a bottle was the best! Mommy and Daddy took such good care of you. Changing your diaper while you laid on your tummy was tricky but your Mommy and Daddy did it perfectly...and often!

On Memorial Day weekend your Mommy and Daddy brought you to Modesto for a visit. You met all of your cousins and they fell in love with you too. Everyone wanted to hold Baby Abigail. The only time we heard you cry was when Mommy used a cold wipie on your bottom! You loved the bath that we gave you in the kitchen sink. What a happy baby!

You went to Heaven so suddenly. We had so little time with you. We have so many precious memories of those 29 days. We thank you for the strength, courage and hope that you have brought to all of us. Every day we will remember you and how much we love you. Until we meet again.....................Grammy and Papa

My Little Dancer

I had such big plans for my Abigail Marie, I told Brian that she WAS going to dance there was no way out of it. Of course Brian told me that Abigail would not be forced to do anything she didn't want to, yet the first time I felt Abigail I knew she would be a dancer. I envisioned a grand stage her in the middle of it with all lights on her, the audience starring up at her in awe. Abigail danced so much in side my belly, she would be on one side and it would feel like she was tapping away and than on the other side she would do some jazz hands. And she would only dance for me, no one else felt her till I went up to visit my family my 8th month than my mom felt her, but until than she was my own little dancing queen. When the doctors told us that my Abigail Maire wouldn't walk which meant no dancing, I knew this wasn't true she was meant to dance and she would find away to. And find away she did Abigail would do a little buffalo, and land a prefect pirouette right in to every ones heart, not exactly the way I envisioned it but dancers often improvise. When Abigail was taken from me I was so sad and heart broken but than I thought on it and realized Abigail has her grand stage now with all the lighting she wants on her and the best audience anyone could ask for (GOD). Abigail is now in heaven and is able to do real buffaloes and land real pirouettes, she also awaits her cousin Wesley with his tuxedo so she will have a dance partner. So to my Abigail Marie I say dance your little heart out baby.

From Auntie Jess

Sometimes I am not ready to do things but this means so much to my sister that after I read her blog I felt it was my turn to share. From the first time my Babbs told me she was pregnant, there was no mistake in her voice she was so excited. That same tone and excitement never wavered. I knew Jen was having a girl, and I knew she was going to be just like her. When Jen told me about the many times that she went into look at Abigail, and she would just not cooperate I laughed because this was it, the baby was not even born and she already had Jen's attitude. Jen wanted something so Abigail did the opposite.

My heart was filled!!! It was her Mini. Jen had wanted so bad to have a mini. For those of you who do not know I look sound and on occasion act like my mom. Admitted she never felt apart of that, so she wanted a mini too. I knew in my heart of heart this was her mini. When Jen saw Abigail for the second time, they had Abigail set up to fly to L.A. I was standing there by Jen's bed waiting with a camera for the doctors to bring Abigail in so I could take pictures of Mommy and her little. I was crying and my Babbs looked up at me and said "Don't be sad she will be okay." I laughed because here is my sister with her baby girl about to be taken away from her and she is comforting me. But I told her that these were not sad tears they were happy tears. I was so excited that my sister finally had her mini.

O my gosh she was PRECIOUS. She had Jen's little bitty ears, and her little bitty nose. IT WAS HER MINI!!!! I spent 3 days in the hospital with Jen and then 2 more in the hospital with Jen and Brian. I knew that whatever came Jen and Brian's way they would be okay. They loved that little girl so much. They not once saw disabilities they saw love. They are the funniest 2 people and did not let any set backs kill their loving fun spirit. Jen had always wanted Abigail to have blue eyes. Brian has blue eyes, my mom, brother, practically everyone in our family besides Jen and I have blue eyes. Jen and I have different shades of green. The day after Abigail went to live upstairs, Jen called me. She was hysterical but the words that I understood so clearly where these "Jess and she looked up at me with her green eyes" I am not sure what she said after that because I could not breathe, Jen's nose, little ears and green eyes. Jen's green eyes it was her mini her little one. I am very aware that it took 2 to make this little one. I spent a lot of time studying Brian's most loving and concerned face, to see how Abigail resembled him. Abigail had Brian's lips with the soft outline and the pointy peek in the middle. And since Brian is stick thin, I am going to credit you for Abigail's rolls on her little chubby arms and legs.

But in my head and in my heart she will always be my Babb's mini. Now when I picture Abigail she is on the 5th Ave stage in a red tutu tap dancing. Jen always wanted her to dance, and I know that tap dancers do not wear tutu's but she is Jen's little so I am sure that she would want to wear the red tutu because it looked prettier and I am sure her mom would have said she should be wearing something else.

From Mommy

Oh my mini cupcake how I will miss you so. Abigail was my life from the time I found out I was pregnant to the time she took her last breath. I will miss her so she was and always will be my little baby girl. When my Abigail Marie was born I was heart broken to find out that I would not be able to hold nor even see her for the first couple days of her life. I saw my baby for the first time when they were wheeling her out to get on the helicopter and when she left my heart left with her. I got out of the hospital early so I could go to my baby, even if I wasn't the doctor stitching her up or checking her vitals I still felt that as long as I was there she wouldn't need anything else for I was her mommy and would protect her from anything. Abigail fought through everything that came her way just so she could come home with her dad and I, and for that I am so thankful. My Abigail brought joy and love to everyone that knew of her they didn't even need to meet her or see her all they had to hear of is the strength and determination that she had. She showed me that God does work in mysterious ways and though I may not like nor agree with what he had in store for my baby and the short life that she lived I will always remember that he at least gave Abigail to me and Brian and allowed us to have time with her, enjoy her, and love her. My baby Abigail Marie is a Saint now and sits at the feet of God looking down on us and I know every once in awhile when we are struggling and feel like giving up she will come and sit at our feet and remind us of the struggles she face and over came and the price at the end of all of it, LOVE. I want to thank every one who prayed for my baby for I know that Abigail couldn't have made it as far as she did with out your love and prayer.

From Daddy

First off I want to thank Jennifer and my Sister for starting this blog. I am new to this blogging stuff but I think it will be something nice to remember Abigail with. For me it is easier to write rather to talk about things. Abigail had a short time with us but by no means easy. She was our first child and we know it was not going to be easy and boy we were right. Abigail made my wife and I stronger in many ways. She showed us how to be strong loving parents. One of the most important things she showed me is to cherish life. Sometime I dont realize how short our life could be. She showed me to talk advantage of my time here and that no challenge is worth giving up on. Its crazy that my baby with such a short life showed me so much. The things she showed me will last a lifetime and i will never forger her. I feel very blessed to have Abigail come into my life. She will always be my baby girl and always be in my life. I now know what it feels like to be a parent and I love it. I have had alot of time to think these past few weeks about a ton of stuff. I have come to the conclusion that I have the best family,wife and baby angel any man could have. I love you all more then words could ever express and always will. Thanks for being their for me.

Buddy

For the Love of Abigail Marie

As stories and recollections come to me they will be added to her blog so that we can continue to share in the love that Abigail brought to our lives. Jennifer shared a precious memory with me recently. My brother is not really a details kind of guy. He has a hard time remembering facts about people like names, dates, and particulars. However, when it came to Abigail he remembered every detail. She has a myriad of doctors and he remembered all of their names. She had several procedures and he remembered what they were called and when they were performed. I believe it is the love only a parent can know that calls us to action and engages our minds and spirit in ways like no other. His love for Abigail helped him to remember the important facts and details pertinent to her life. He may not remember how old he is or when your birthday is but he will forever remember the names of the plastic surgeon, neurosurgeon, occupational therapist and many other doctors that came in to her life. He will remember her many accomplishments and when they happened like breathing on her own,eating from a bottle, pooping, having her IV removed, and the day she came home from the hospital. He might not be a "details" guy but when it comes down to what really matters he will remember every element, fact and fine point. That is what father's do after all!

A Baby Remembered

Abigail Marie.

Though her life was short, she touched the lives of so many. Her story is one of strength, character, grace, love and compassion. She was born on April 29,2009 but her story begins way before then.

Her Daddy is my little, well, younger brother. He is in the Air Force. He is a really good guy. He is funny. He thinks farts are funny to this day and always will, he will be a 90 year old man laughing at fart sounds and making fart jokes. I have written fart enough times now - happy Bud? He has always made me smile and I know he always will. He is a great father! He is strong and courageous.



Her Mommy is my blessed sister in law. She is married to my brother which makes her a saint in my book. She is sweet. She is kind. She is patient....so patient. She is loving. I am not sure of her opinions on the hilarity of farts yet but I do know that they are not allowed in the kitchen. She is easy to be around. She is fun and funny. She is a really great person. She is a fantastic mother! She is strong and courageous.




Abigail was a miracle from birth! Abigail was born with Spina Bifida. She had a large lesion on the small of her back. There are several types of Spina Bifida, hers was the most severe - Myelomeningocele. When she was born she was not breathing. The doctors worked on her and were finally able to stabilize her enough to have her flown by helicopter to Cedar Sinai hospital in LA. We were told that she would never walk, might have trouble urinating and with bowel movements, possible hydrocephalus and other complications. At only 23 hours old she underwent major surgery to repair the lesion in her back. It lasted 5 1/2 hours. The neurosurgeon was pleased with his part and the plastic surgeon was successful. She came through with flying colors, no complications, no problems. It was a miracle!

She came out of surgery with tubes going every which way but after only one day they had removed all but the IV and feeding tube. She was so strong and such a fighter! She continued to heal by leaps and bounds. Jennifer was pumping and by the time she got to the hospital they were able to give her some breast milk. She tolerated it very well and was quickly taken off of the feeding tube. Almost overnight she gained a reputation throughout the NICU for being quite the eater...and peepee-er and pooper. All of her body parts were working and working well. Another potential risk of Spina Bifida is hydrocephalus or water on the brain. We were told to be prepared for it because it occurs in 80+ percent of Spina Bifida patients. By the time of her release from the hospital she still did not have any hydrocephalus. Another Miracle!

After 2 weeks in the NICU she was finally able to go home.

She was healing quickly and progressing so well. She continued to do so well at home. She had her mom and dad wrapped around her little finger. She would only sleep if someone was holding her. She made baby cooing sounds. She rarely cried. She wriggled her hips. She moved her hands and arms all around. She melted your heart without even trying. She was a miracle. On Memorial weekend we had the privilege of a visit from baby Abigail! It was fantastic! We had several days of holding, hugging, snuggling, and loving on her. Her skin felt as soft as satin and she had that sublime new baby smell. Holding her was incredible, she melted in to your arms and became part a of you! She will always be a miracle!

Shortly after her visit with us her mom started to notice some things that just didn't seem "right". She went a whole morning with out pooping. Then the next day she was feeling clammy and out of sorts. She was taken to the hospital and they determined she needed to be taken back to Cedar Sinai hospital. They were trying to stabilize her, but complication after complication began to arise. Trouble breathing, very high white blood cell counts, trouble with IVs and antibiotics not working fast enough. The doctors did everything they could but her little body was overcome by infection. It was time for her Earthly body to give way to her Heavenly soul and she went home to be with our Lord. She touched the lives of those that knew her, saw her, heard about her or read about her. She had people praying for her that had never really prayed before. She made people realize what was important in life. She made everyone that had any knowledge of her a better person. Her imprint may be small but it is mighty and she made the world a better place. She is a miracle and we will be connected to her forever.

We are saddened by her loss but the profound imprint she has left on our hearts will never fade. Thoughts of her will always dance in our hearts and sing in our souls. When times are hard we will remember the battles she overcame. When we are weary we will remember her endurance. When we feel hopeless we will remember God's grace He shared through her. When we feel indifference we will remember the love and compassion we felt for her. Although she is not with us physically anymore she is with us in spirit always and forever.